It has been almost seven months since our family of three grew to a family of five. While I have learned a lot since finding out we were expecting twins one thing I didn’t expect to learn was that when you have twins, people suddenly say A LOT of things that they wouldn’t normally find appropriate to ask.
1. Do twins run in either of your families?
Here is how this one usually plays out.
“Do twins run in either of your families”
Me – ” I have some distant cousins that are twins, but that is it.”
Husband – “No, but it doesn’t matter if they did run in my family”
“Well you know twins tend to run in families”
What would then follow was a very blunt explanation how twins actually develop, followed by some often confused and uncomfortable looks.
I fully understand that twins do sometimes run in families. What most people do not seem to understand is that if twins run in the husband’s family (they don’t in our case) it doesn’t make that couple any more likely to have twins.
To put it plainly twins happen in one of two ways: one sperm implants one egg and that embryo splits (this results in identical twins) or two sperm implant two separate eggs (this results in fraternal twins). Our girls are not identical which means the later is what happened in our situation.
After awkwardly trying to explain this we eventually learned to just say no.
2. Are you happy (about being pregnant with twins)?
I don’t get this one….at all. I was extremely happy to be carrying two healthy girls. After having our first daughter, I had two miscarriages. Happy doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt the first time we saw a beating heart, and when that second heartbeat appeared I cried. I cried tears full of joy.
3. While in the grocery checkout – “You should have someone helping you.”
I believe I was about seven months pregnant when the checker at the grocery store commented that I should have someone helping me with my groceries. Granted I did have a cart very full, but I had intentionally went by myself. I had left my three year old with my grandmother, so that I could get all of my groceries. Be nice and help the next pregnant lady you see, but please don’t treat her like she has some type of disability.
4. “Did you use something” (fertility treatments)
Seriously……..none of your business. No we didn’t use fertility treatments. God simply decide to bless us with twins. Since no one ever asked me this when I was pregnant with my eldest, I am assuming it’s a twin specific question. Being pregnant, even pregnant with multiples, shouldn’t mean mom is suddenly a free for all.
5. To my three year old daughter – “Are you ready for all the crying” or anything baby related with a negative tone.
We were fully aware that our daughter’s world was about to change in a very big way. She was used to being the center of our attention. I am a stay-at-home-mom so she literally had me all to herself most days. She was also the first grandchild on both sides of our family, so she was used to having everyone’s attention. We were very aware and tried to prepare her for the arrival of her sisters, but we did our best to always keep everything positive. My daughter knew nothing other than to be excited about becoming a big sister, so I really wanted everyone to keep their fears and negativity away.
6. To my husband “Aww I bet you were hoping for a boy” or “Are you going to try for a boy”
Again…SERIOUSLY??? Who says these things.
My husband gives the best response….. “We aren’t stopping until we get a tv show.”
People don’t have a clue what to say and it is hilarious.
7. Are they identical?
So so funny. Our girls do not look alike. They look like sisters, yes, but not identical. I was a little worried that I would be a terrible mom and not be able to tell my girls apart. I even painted one of their toe nails when we came home and took off their hospital bracelets…just to make sure. Now, two pounds and very different facial features make it pretty easy to tell them apart.
8. Even better… Are they twins?
This gets asked a lot more often than you would think. Are there a lot of people walking around with two babies of the same age, in similar clothing, and matching car seats that are not twins?
9. Do they sleep good?
I think most all moms get asked this question, but this one always makes me laugh because their sleep routines have me almost convinced that some kind of twin telepathy does exist. Not kidding. Since we brought them home, when one baby would go to sleep she would make some kind of noise to make sure that other sister woke up from sleeping.
10. How do you do it?
I am by no means supermom. Actually, most days I feel very, very short of supermom. I don’t do it all. Some days I don’t feel like I accomplish anything. There are days when I get school time with my four year old, play time with all my girls, three meals on the table, and maybe even a load of laundry complete. There are, however, days that yogurt is for breakfast, pizza is for supper, more toys are on the floor than walking space, and I don’t remember when I last brushed my hair. But every day I get up and “do it” because God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and three amazing little girls who need me at my best. Some days my best is play dates at the park and a homemade chicken pot pie, other days my best is a Frozen marathon and Nutella sandwiches.